#writerswednesday: A Pinch of Truth

Cheers my dears,

it’s been a while… Nearly three months – let that sink in, 3 months – since I published my second book Live Loud & Suffer in Silence and that was also the last time I posted on here and showed new plants on the balcony.

Especially in times like these I consider it important to share a pinch of truth here.

Did I plan to take a pause after publishing? Heck no! My plan was to produce IGTVs and videos and content to market the book, to share more of it with you, to dive fully into advertising it and to show you the deeper meaning and aim of this book project. Also, I wanted to start writing the German version asap.

But here’s the truth: I underestimated the amount of energy it took from me to write this book. I always said it wasn’t a walk in the park writing it – and by the way: reading it isn’t either – but I definitely underestimated the amount of time I’d need to recharge my batteries. It took a lot, if not all of me, as I do structure my stories analytically, yes, but I write them from a place where I AM every character I write. Can you imagine? I feel every emotion they feel, I walk every step they walk, I do not watch them break down, I break down with them. And that to me is an authentic way of writing. But it is also draining. Like a lot!

Could I have pushed more, forced myself to produce more content and market it well? Probably yes. But where would I be now then? Another truth: These times with the pandemic going on affected many of us. Freelancers as much, if not a bit more, as small businesses, big companies and entrepreneurs. And as you might already know from my #freelancefriday posts, yes, I am a freelancer, too. So besides being drained from my book project (which doesn’t generate a bunch of money and provides me with financial prosperity – which isn’t its aim anyway as my aim is to generate money to donate it) also some projects I acquired beforehand were stopped or cancelled due to the uncertainty the pandemic confronted us with. Trying to acquire new projects in unstable times like these is a challenge of its own, as you might be able to imagine. And guess what, that is draining, too.

And as I aim for more realness and transparency on the internet, I thought it’d be the right step to share this pinch of truth with you. It’s not easy “being real” in this superficial world of hearts and likes and “wows”, but you know, I can’t write a book called Live Loud & Suffer in Silence, which is a cynical comment as my characters suffer quite loud in these stories and then pretend everything is perfectly polished fine. Because reality looks different than a post-processed picture from one of my shoots, different from the well placed items I position for twenty minutes and I take 30 shots of until I decide which one to post. And it does take a leap of faith to show your face without make-up in an IGTV these days, to sit down not looking, feeling or being your best and taking this realness to proceed in times where people go to plastic surgeons to look more like their filtered version. (small film recommendation: The Social Dilemma; available on the big streaming platform with x at the end)

But I think it’s necessary to break this cycle to move forward and although I don’t have many followers, I want to use all my platforms to talk about these things as well.

I’d like you to know that I’m grateful for your support, by purchasing the book, reading it, taking your time to send me feedback. That shows me that all the sleepless nights and every ounce of energy I invested in this project was so worth it. Because it gave something to someone. And that’s what I’m writing for.

Please stay a little more patient with me. Right now I’m regaining a fresh creative vibe and I aim to get back to frequent blog posting and to prepare a virtual book reading for you, so please stay tuned on my YouTube channel, too. I hope you find something in my work that gives you something.

More to come, my dears. 

So long

 

xxx

#socialsaturday: International Women’s Day 2020 or Be the change you want to see

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Hey my dears,

I know, I know, the order seems to be a bit off, but it will all get tidied up, don’t worry.
On the 8th of March it was International Women’s Day and if you haven’t seen my content for it yet, please go to the balcony and have a look at the highlight IWD 2020.
As a good housewife is supposed to, I did not just only tidy up and clean my analogue home and put the spring decoration up, but here in my virtual home as well. 😀
I hope you like the new design and the touch of colour and that it makes you come and visit me more often here.

Now, let’s roll up the sleeves and get to the relevant topics:
New Year’s Eve alone close to the sea gave me the opportunity to reflect the old year and let go of it. The trip rewarded me with fresh wind and motivation to make 2020 not only a new year, but to set the sails for a new decade.
I hope you’re feeling the same and that the first quarter of the year has already been positive for you. Observing my direct and indirect surrounding, I have the impression that 2020 already brought some massive changes and shifts for many people and I’m excited for which surprises it has in stock for all of us. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to it.

With a big portion of creative energy, I’m currently working like a maniac on different projects, I hope to share with you quite soon.
Therefore, I haven’t produced specific poems or texts for IWD this year.
But let’s take a moment to think about all the amazing women out there. Which woman comes to your mind first?
And which three ones are following? Which women do you find inspiring?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

And now, please sit down, we have to talk.
Let’s not pretend, to be simply human isn’t always easy.
But as a society we even manage to make it even more difficult for certain groups.
This can be referred to nationality, religion, outward appearance, skin colour, sexual orientation or sex and gender and certainly to many more attributed, as there is always someone to be found, whom one could give a hard(er) time.
But because recently it was International Women’s Day, let’s stick with this group: Women and people, who identify as such.
I don’t think I’ll have to mention all the hurdles, obstacles, challenges women are facing, it’s somewhere along the lines of beauty ideals marketed by media, the balance between work and family, unequal pay for equal work and society’s expectations towards the sexes and genders in general. The list is long.

I alone won’t change that. You neither.
But as Teresa von Avila, a woman herself, said “If many small people do many small things, the face of the world will change.”
And I think if everybody starts where they are, use what they have and do what they can, something is going to move and change.
But what does this mean in detail or what can it mean concretely?
I don’t own the stone of wisdom and I don’t have a one-fits-all-ready-made-solution, but I have some suggestions.

How about if we started reflecting our attitudes, opinions and convictions about masculinity and femininity while taking a walk or sitting on the sofa?

Is it fair, when I expect of my mother, sister, partner, colleague, that she not only fulfils all the roles society has for her, but that she does so perfectly?
Is it fair, when I deny a career focused woman the capability of being a good mother? Is it fair, when I deny a housewife the capability of having a sense for business?
Is it fair, when I don’t expect of my father, brother, partner, colleague to fulfil all the roles society has for him and he doesn’t have to be perfect at it, either?
Is it fair, when I deprive a man that stays home with his kids instead of going to work of his masculinity and sneer at him?

No, it’s not.

To reflect is certainly the first step to insight, which in turn is said to move something. And then?
Thinking alternative ways. Then walk.
How about if we started being a bit kinder towards our colleague, who has been coming to work with an out-of-bed-look for a week, because she has been working her pretty, but less toned butt off to juggle two small – teething and feverish – kids, her work and social life? Just brew a coffee for her and get her some lunch and tell her that she’s doing an amazing job.
How about telling the guy that stays at home with his kids, that especially because of society’s prejudices he is brave to have made this step? When we asked him how he’s feeling, why he’s doing it and whether he now considers his wife less of a woman and himself less of a man? And when we told him that he is also doing an amazing job?

That was the soft version. Let’s come to the bolder option.
Calling someone out on their bullshit.
Is it fair, when nudging out of frustration and touching without consent is dismissed with words like “boys will be boys”, which later turns into “a man is just a man”?
Is it fair, when we repeatedly listen to people in our direct surrounding telling us how we should live our lives and which definition of masculinity and femininity we have to obey?
Is it fair, when we give the responsibility for our own actions out of our own hands and put it into the world view society proclaims?

No, it’s not.
And now?

How about, if we started to teach our children that they can become and achieve anything, regardless of their sex and gender? What if we taught them that it’s okay if a boy wants to play with dolls and that “But she’s a girl!” is no legit reason to exclude the sister from the football match?
How about telling the aunties and uncles, who on every occasion – and big birthdays and especially weddings seem to be perfect occasions – tell us, either with a pitiful or reproachful manner, that we “will find the right woman one day” or “the right man will come” into our lives, but that we could put a little more effort into finding someone, just because we attend the event without a partner or ring on our finger?
Who wants to go one step further, can of course switch over to telling them lovingly that they should mind their own business. Or you could chink a glass, get the attention of everyone and have a 20 minute rant until even the guests in the back seats understood your point. The choice is yours.
How about not hiding behind “I’m not responsible for that, my husband takes care of that”, but actively reflecting and pondering on our understanding of femininity and masculinity and the tasks, attitudes, challenges and chances that are connected to it?
How about taking responsibility for our own actions, which starts with reflection and thinking about what we could change?
How about taking responsibility in our social constructs and stopped accepting certain platitudes and excuses?
How about telling our interlocutor that this action or those words were utter bs?

As you can see, there are manifold options to start somehow somewhere in order to change something.
But if I continue the list, this post will end up being way too long and nobody’s gonna read that much.
Furthermore, change and growth starts within oneself, within everyone.

Nevertheless, I do think that if everyone started with themselves and did what they could, that it will have an impact.
As it’s so often said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
2020 is a new decade. It’s time to not just share these quotes, but to actively work with them.
Nobody’s perfect and not everything is gonna work out (directly).
Trying implies the possibility of failure, but it doesn’t have to. 😉

If you haven’t read my latest poems concerning the relationship between men and women yet, come to the balcony.
Attention, explicit content! 😉

Cheers my dears, take care

xx

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