#socialsaturday: Reflections & Resolutions

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#socialsaturday: Reflections & Resolutions

Hey my dears,

I don’t know about you, but reflecting on 2019 makes me go phew, what a year!
There was a time when I’d make new year resolutions after reflecting on the year that was coming to an end.
Which in turn just meant starting the new year with additional pressure instead of letting go of the pressure of the past year.
So, I turned to having wishes and visualising them.

But first, I’d do the past year justice and reflect upon it.
Sum it up, go through the ups and downs, see what I learned and what I can still learn.
Then I turn to visualising my wishes for the new year.
Without pressure.

For some it’s the next big career step, for others it’s building a home and family, for others it’s doing more sports, calling mum more often, and for many it’s taking more time for themselves.
And that’s exactly what I decided on to bridge the old and the new year.
Thus, I decided to spend New Year’s Eve all on my own in a place that I love: close to the sea.
Just me, myself and some salty splashes of water, to wash away what needs to be washed away in order to clear the path for a new year.

I have no idea how it’s going to feel, maybe I’ll hate it, maybe I’ll love it.
But as nowadays so many people on social media are talking about self-love and even Felix Jaehn sings about putting love on yourself first, why not travel alone and end the old and start the new year with the one person that was, is and will be with you each day, every day?
Take them by the hand, listen to them, their wishes, their needs, their desires, hopes, dreams. And promise them that you’re going to support them in their endeavours.

I know, many think it’s brave, some say they could never do that.
You know what? I do believe you can do it, if you really want to. I do believe, if you set the “can’t” aside, you’d be astonished by all your capabilities and abilities.

And let’s be honest, today it’s so easy to go somewhere alone and still not be alone, just by being glued to your phone.
And it’s also easy to “travel” alone to a place where you know people.
When I talk travelling alone, I really mean travelling somewhere where you are on your own, for your own.
Of course, you shouldn’t throw your phone away, you should tell someone that you arrived safe and sound. But maybe reduce it to certain hours where you’re available or if you feel like sharing a beautiful sunset, do so, but you know, your story will be available for 24 hours, so just check the likes and reactions 18 hours later, that’s fine.

How are you gonna make and take time for yourself if always someone is slamming the door open and talking to you? And even by invitation because you just posted a sign saying “come on in, you don’t even need to knock”!
No, I’m not talking “digital detox”, but neither am I talking “me-time” which consists of 100 selfies and 10 food porn photos a day.
I think you get me.

All I’m saying is: There lies beauty in spending time alone. In solitude.
And mind you, solitude is not the same as loneliness!
Even if, you know what? Bearing loneliness can be an indicator for power. Finding a soothing beauty in solitude and even cathartically crying can show you a lot about yourself.
I know, I know, I don’t make travelling alone sound really sexy, I’m sorry.
But believe me, it is!

In a hectic world, where “I’m busy” and “I don’t have time” seem to be the most frequently used expressions, I think it’s important to remember that we will never have the time, unless we take it.
And if this “me-time” should serve its purpose, then we should take that time for ourselves. Taking walks with ourselves, listening to ourselves, and embrace everything we might encounter. Yes, the good, the bad, the ugly, the imperfect, the desires, the flaws, the longing, the wishes, the dreams, the ambition, the hurt, the pain, the joy, the fun, the goofy, the ridiculous. All of it.
Cause we are all more than one thing.
But we will never find out, if we never take the time we never seem to have.

Whatever you have planned for New Year’s Eve, I hope you take some time to reflect on 2019, visualise your dreams and wishes for 2020 without putting pressure on yourself and that you make it safe and sound into a new decade that holds so much in store for you.

So long, my dears

loads of love

xx

#socialsaturday: Superficial Society

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#socialsaturday: Superficial Society

Hey my dears,

actually the first idea for a title was “why do we desire that people desire what we desire?”, but then I thought it might be too long. And maybe too confusing.
But seriously, why do we do that?
Okay, okay, I see, I need to put some structure in here, otherwise we will get lost in a hundred topics.
So, give me a sec. And a sip of coffee.

Okay, back to the topic.
What distinguishes us as humans from animals?
I mean despite regular hair cuts, clothes and make-up and hot baths instead of licking ourselves clean like a cat.
Well, philosophers would say reason and language. Homo logos, you know. Which also implies a correlation between language and divine logic or sense.
Can we just wait here a second.
Reason. Well, I don’t know about you, but recently I’ve seen people doing more things that – at least for me – don’t fall under the category of reasonable than I could put in one blog post without boring you.
I mean, take simple things like throwing trash onto the street while walking when the bin is just 2 freaking meters away from you. Does that sound reasonable?
Or pushing your pram into the bus in such a way that no one can get from the front to the end while the bus driver is yelling that everybody should move further to the back and then you shout at the people who kindly ask you if there was a chance they might pass by. Does that sound reasonable?
Other way round, going to the gym to train your biceps so that every girl would fall for your trained body straight away and wants to touch it, but then being at the train station and watching a mother with a toddler and a pram and not helping her get that pretty heavy thing up the stairs, does that sound reasonable?
I think you get what I’m aiming at, but believe me, there are hundreds of millions of examples where I think doubting reason within people is kind of a daily sport.
(Btw: this doesn’t exclude myself, countless times that I kind of watch myself and then wonder “Well, Gina, was that reasonable? Is there any logical thinking left in your head or is it just on top of your neck to look good on a portrait, sheesh, girl, get your shit together!”)

Language. First, let us ask one simple, but very important question: What’s it good for?
Is it just for me to name things and so that I can define things that pop up in my head and explain them to myself?
The keyword is communication. And this means (at least according to various sources I looked up for this post) the sending, receiving and exchanging of information (or things).
But it’s about sending and receiving. Normally this includes two or more people, doesn’t it?
(Don’t judge people, who use this human tool also to communicate with themselves, it’s just you explaining your own thoughts to yourself, which I consider pretty fine, don’t worry.)
So, why and when did communication turn into one interlocutor using the other one as a stage to put their own life narration into the spotlight?
I mean.. where is the exchange?
Believe me, my dears, I commute too often with public transport and even one time forgetting your earphones makes you notice too many things around you. But on the other hand, it’s an impulse for blog posts, huh?
So, please, play this game the next time you’re sitting somewhere and listen to people talking. And I mean, for a while.
Can you find exchange? Like real exchange? Or is it rather everybody just talking about themselves and then it’s the other one’s turn?
Just observe.

Now for the desire part.
Reason and language flow into it, if you are wondering now why I talked about that before.
So, let’s take some pretty common conversation, okay?

Situation 1: Two people graduated from high school.
A: And what are you going to study?
B: I’m not going to study.
A: What?!
B: I want to do an apprenticeship.
A: Ah.

Situation 2: A student (B) living from a part-time job and a credit and someone being at the end of their apprenticeship (A) and already earning “real” money are talking.
A: And when are you going to move out from your parents’ house?
B: Well, actually I’m aiming for higher education and want to do another degree once I finished the first one.
A: So, you don’t want to move out until you’re what? 28?

Situation 3: An engaged or married woman in the process of family planning (A) and a woman focussed on her career (B) are talking.
A: And when are you going to marry?
B: Hm?
A: When are you going to marry and have children?
B: Um, dunno?!
A: Well, darling, we all don’t get younger, do we?

Why is it that we seem to desire that other people desire what we desire?
And this assumption wouldn’t even be the worst thing. The worst thing is the next step that oh so frequently follows:
Judgement.
As if our life narration was the only valid one.

If your greatest desire is to study and you have the privilege of getting a chance to do it, then value it!
There are people who would love to, but that don’t have access to education, let alone higher education.
And if your friend decides that studying isn’t their cup of tea, then congratulate them on their choice and wish them all the best.

If what you define as a desirable life includes moving out as early as possible and having a space of your own and you get the chance to get it, value it!
Maybe your studying friend would love to have a place of their own, too, but they had to decide about their priorities: flat or next degree.
Who are you to tell them they made the wrong choice just because your choice would have been different?

If your vision of a desirable life necessarily includes getting married and having children, and you found the right partner and you were physically able to give birth to healthy children, then guess what, value it!
And if you found fulfilment in that and you think “wow, now I truly know what I’m here for!” than that’s great. But who are you to tell another woman that unless she has children she doesn’t know her purpose here on earth? Isn’t that a bit harsh?
And even if she doesn’t want to, or didn’t find the person with whom she’d love to, who are you to judge someone else’s priority list?

Let me tell you something:
We will all be judged one day. But that’s not our job, believe me.
Who are we to tell other people which desire and life narration is valid and which is not?
And when did we get so presumptuous and arrogant to assume that our choices are the only right ones?
When did we forget to stay open and listen and see the world from different angles?
When did we forget to communicate?

And now for reasonable communication:
Why don’t we listen? Why do we act our lives out on a virtual and now even analogue stage as if it was the best play ever written and any other narration was invalid and less worthy?
Can we maybe change the narration?

How about

Situation 1
A: Are you going to study or do you want to do an apprenticeship?

Situation 2:
A: What are your plans and desires for the future?

Situation 3:
A: Do you want to marry and have children one day?

On a grammatical level, most yes-or-no-questions or questions without suggesting an answer, offer more space for real communication.
Be open, be interested, listen. And for the sake of an open and less superficial society: Don’t judge!
Please.

Can we maybe start asking really cool and interesting questions again?
Like
How are you?
What makes you happy?
What’s your favourite dish?

I could go on writing about this subject, but I’ll leave it at that. For now.
As always, feel free to comment here, share your opinion with me via email or Facebook or Instagram.

So long, my dears.

xxx
Gina.