Cheers my dears,

it’s been a while… Nearly three months – let that sink in, 3 months – since I published my second book Live Loud & Suffer in Silence and that was also the last time I posted on here and showed new plants on the balcony.

Especially in times like these I consider it important to share a pinch of truth here.

Did I plan to take a pause after publishing? Heck no! My plan was to produce IGTVs and videos and content to market the book, to share more of it with you, to dive fully into advertising it and to show you the deeper meaning and aim of this book project. Also, I wanted to start writing the German version asap.

But here’s the truth: I underestimated the amount of energy it took from me to write this book. I always said it wasn’t a walk in the park writing it – and by the way: reading it isn’t either – but I definitely underestimated the amount of time I’d need to recharge my batteries. It took a lot, if not all of me, as I do structure my stories analytically, yes, but I write them from a place where I AM every character I write. Can you imagine? I feel every emotion they feel, I walk every step they walk, I do not watch them break down, I break down with them. And that to me is an authentic way of writing. But it is also draining. Like a lot!

Could I have pushed more, forced myself to produce more content and market it well? Probably yes. But where would I be now then? Another truth: These times with the pandemic going on affected many of us. Freelancers as much, if not a bit more, as small businesses, big companies and entrepreneurs. And as you might already know from my #freelancefriday posts, yes, I am a freelancer, too. So besides being drained from my book project (which doesn’t generate a bunch of money and provides me with financial prosperity – which isn’t its aim anyway as my aim is to generate money to donate it) also some projects I acquired beforehand were stopped or cancelled due to the uncertainty the pandemic confronted us with. Trying to acquire new projects in unstable times like these is a challenge of its own, as you might be able to imagine. And guess what, that is draining, too.

And as I aim for more realness and transparency on the internet, I thought it’d be the right step to share this pinch of truth with you. It’s not easy “being real” in this superficial world of hearts and likes and “wows”, but you know, I can’t write a book called Live Loud & Suffer in Silence, which is a cynical comment as my characters suffer quite loud in these stories and then pretend everything is perfectly polished fine. Because reality looks different than a post-processed picture from one of my shoots, different from the well placed items I position for twenty minutes and I take 30 shots of until I decide which one to post. And it does take a leap of faith to show your face without make-up in an IGTV these days, to sit down not looking, feeling or being your best and taking this realness to proceed in times where people go to plastic surgeons to look more like their filtered version. (small film recommendation: The Social Dilemma; available on the big streaming platform with x at the end)

But I think it’s necessary to break this cycle to move forward and although I don’t have many followers, I want to use all my platforms to talk about these things as well.

I’d like you to know that I’m grateful for your support, by purchasing the book, reading it, taking your time to send me feedback. That shows me that all the sleepless nights and every ounce of energy I invested in this project was so worth it. Because it gave something to someone. And that’s what I’m writing for.

Please stay a little more patient with me. Right now I’m regaining a fresh creative vibe and I aim to get back to frequent blog posting and to prepare a virtual book reading for you, so please stay tuned on my YouTube channel, too. I hope you find something in my work that gives you something.

More to come, my dears. 

So long

xxx